When you do not get pregnant and the others do.Helena Gil
There are moments in life that can be a struggle. The process of getting pregnant can be one of them. When you’ve been trying for a long time, when you’ve tried everything you can and more, when you’ve gone for all sorts of tests and spent thousands of dollars, and a girl you know just got pregnant. And she’s not the first one.
Why her and not you? What did you do wrong? What’s the secret? Why do you feel so bad? If you are in this situation, STOP. Clear your mind and think about the following points.
Don’t compare yourself with other women
You are you. This is not a competition. Every person has a story; a situation can be easier or more difficult for each person for so many different reasons. We almost never know the story behind that person, just like others don’t know yours. The best thing to do is avoid comparing yourself with the rest of women, and you’ll manage to become more optimistic.
You’re not alone
You’ve never been alone and you never will be. You’re surrounded by many people that care about you and wish the best for you and your family: your husband, your parents, your in-laws, your siblings and friends… Still, I understand it’s difficult for them to try to put themselves in your shoes if they don’t know exactly what you’re going through, which is why you can join a community.
You’re not the first woman to go through this. I know this isn’t any consolation but if there is something good in this whole story, it’s that you’re not alone. Connect with a group of women who are in the same situation as you, who are also having trouble getting pregnant. Listen to them, ask them questions, tell them your story, cry together and be happy for each other. Once you’ve bonded with them, they’ll be very supportive, you will identify with them and I can assure you that, together with them, everything will be easier to deal with.
Ignore hurtful comments
They just aren’t worth it. Generally, people tend to give their opinion without thinking. Just ignore all those people that you don’t really care about and let those who are part of your close circle know that their comments are not helping; ask them to change the topic or simply tell them that it’s something very personal and you’d rather they not tell you how to do things. If they really love you, they’ll understand.
I know, it’s difficult. One of your close friends got pregnant and you feel awful because you’re not able to feel happy for her and you’re feeling envious. And the worst part is that you can’t say it out loud, because then… what kind of person would you be?
First of all, keep in mind that this is normal. You’ve been trying to get pregnant for months or maybe even years. Being envious is just a feeling of not having something, the feeling of “I don’t have that” that gets even worse if you think you’ll never get it. When somebody tells you that they are pregnant, you suddenly feel overcome with emptiness and pain. It’s like a battle of emotions.
Please, don’t judge yourself. Feeling envious is absolutely normal. We should actually stop calling it “envy” and start calling it pain and frustration. It’s not that you’re not happy about her being pregnant, it’s that in that moment all your feelings come out, you’re exposed, and you just can’t control your feelings.
Explain the way you feel
Consequently, you have to explain the way you feel. It’s very difficult for other people to even try to understand you if they don’t know exactly what you’re going through. Tell your husband about your worries, why you can’t sleep at night or why you’re in a bad mood. Once he knows it’s all due to the same reason, how important this problem that you have right now is for you, he will stop trying to figure out why you can’t stop crying today or what’s up with you.
If you talk to him about it, everything will be easier. Talk to your closest friends and family too. Sometimes we think that everybody should understand us and we don’t realize that every person has their own point of view, their own experiences and that we’re all going through different life stages.
If you don’t talk about it, people won’t know what’s going on and, at such delicate times, the best thing is to keep people from imagining things that aren’t true.
Enjoy your free time
We should try to make the best of every situation. It’s very complicated in this case but not impossible. As soon as you have your baby, you will not have time to do many things. Take advantage of your time to do whatever you want to do (and also to keep your mind busy). Travel, exercise, take care of yourself, go out for a peaceful dinner with your husband or for drinks with your friends, etc., so that once your baby arrives, there’s no place left for regret.
Don’t lose hope
Please, don’t. Try to stay calm and enjoy the other aspects of your life while trying to start a family at the same time.
Be positive. Make changes to your daily life that help you change that negative attitude that hurts you and your reproductive hormones so badly. Find time to have fun, consider things from a different perspective, indulge yourself, meditate, sleep well, appreciate and be thankful for all the good things you have, dance, take care of the love of your life, buy flowers… There so many different ways.
It’s important for you to keep believing in it, even if you have some bad days. At the end of the day, try to avoid feeling like you can’t. One way or another, you will. You’ll see!