Mother’s day: the sweet and sour of family planningMaría Arellano
Planning Mother’s Day
Planning what you are going to do on Mother’s Day, and knowing with certainty that this is how you are going to do things for the rest of your life, may seem a little exaggerated. Let’s take things slowly, one Mother’s Day at a time.
There are different dates for its celebration as well as different levels of commitment to share the day with the mother – we love our mothers and we want to create annoyingly beautiful memories together! And if life has turned you into a Mother’s Day Grinch (maybe it’s the unbridled consumerism that irreversibly disturbs your sensibilities or, perhaps, for reasons beyond your control, you were born in a family of conflicting relationships and have opted to get away from your mom), we want to give you a shake and say enough is enough!
A bad experience does not define all experiences. Give yourself the opportunity to build your own idea of motherhood. We all have the possibility to take this day to reflect on what kind of mother we would like to be or have at our side (in the case of couples). And, super importantly, how we want to celebrate this day.
Mother’s Day is a holiday that’s celebrated in various societies, in ALL parts of the world, although its origins for our society seems to be rooted in Mrs. Jarvis’s love and respect for her own mother.
So let’s get to it! Let’s talk today about family planning while facing the forthcoming emblematic celebration of Mother’s Day and the very grounding truth that life is unpredictable. There are no mathematical formulas! It does not matter if the spirit of Mr. Stephen Hawking accompanies you, there is no way to know if, or at what moment, you are going to be touched by the three “setbacks” of life and family planning that we will deal with below.
The sweet and sour of Mother’s Day
Family planning, deciding exactly how many children you want and when, has its positives and negatives. While looking ahead, if you are questioning the role Mother’s day plays in your life or in that of your family we want to let you know you are not the only one! Yes, even if you haven’t initiated your own family yet we can all plan away!
Not yet a mom: Fighting Infertility
If you are looking ahead to the future and seeing little imaginary toes waving in the air in the hope of starting your own family but have hit up against the wall of infertility, we have some good news.
Yes, planning to be a mom and not getting there as planned sucks. Good news: studies show laughter can be your best ally when infertility has your face in the dirt.
A study published in Fertility and Sterility followed 229 Israeli women in order to demonstrate that a 15 minute visit from a very professional clown immediately after placement of the embryo in the womb increases chances of pregnancy to 36%, this compared to 20% in comedy free women.
In this way our good friend Dr. Science let’s us know there is still a lot of fabric to cut in our knowledge of the human body! And, in particular, it gives us hope for women who are looking to become pregnant via in vitro fertilization and have not been able to achieve it.
Remembrance of a loved one on Mother’s Day
Even the best intentions can’t make a loved one reappear and our relationship with our own mother can determine what we believe we can achieve when we reach that role. Yolanda Wikiel talks about the experience of dealing with the loss of a mother with an upcoming Mother’s Day on the horizon through the voice of Allison Gilbert and her new book Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive.
Other women who have experienced similar heartbreak share their wisdom and personal life story in this article written by Charlotte Hilton Anderson.
Living with Motherhood overwhelm
So initially you planned to have eighty billion kids but along the path to Mommy Greatness something called overwhelm bit you in the a$$. Doesn’t sound so great, does it? Perfectionism tends to cripple our understanding of joy, take it from Lynette who narrates her experience after holding her first born in her arms… and following up with four sisters and brothers for the little one.
Being a mother has a huge impact on your emotions, your physique and your priorities! If you are a new mom dealing with all of these changes and a little bit (or a lot a bit) of overwhelm, we have good news: it’s ok.
Give yourself time and get to know the new you. Accept that this process of self-compassion is not only a sign of kindness but also a responsibility to yourself and your child. Sometimes we learn best from looking at the scary stuff and other people’s really bad moments. Also take a look at our previous post on motherhood and why 40 days postpartum isn’t enough time to assimilate it all.
Celebrating Mother’s Day your own way
If you are facing any of these situations we want to accompany you during the process. In particular, we want you to know that these setbacks do not have to prevent the enjoyment of the celebration of Mother’s Day. We suggest starting with a simple question: what does it mean for you to be a mother? And from there look for a path that allows you to be true to yourself. And if things get really uphill, let us know how we can help.