Letter to The Girl in The Flower DressMaría Arellano
You were eating out with some friends and their three beautiful children, three fun couples in an apparently laid-back weekend. I imagine all of you meet every weekend because I can tell you’ve been friends for ages and one of your friends’ children even calls you and your husband “uncle and aunty”. However, I immediately saw anger in your eyes, out of jealousy… poor thing. I pity you, you’re at that stage in everybody’s life when you have to pretend you’re “the best aunt-friend of the year”. I have to admit I couldn’t stop analyzing you all this time.
I saw how you were dying out of boredom and you were pretending to be interested in the conversation when your friends started talking about the potty training process and how hard it was, while you had the child that called you aunty on your lap so that his mother (your best friend) could finish eating her pasta; you’re such a good friend! I also realized how furious you got when your “nephew” spilled some tomato
sauce on your flower dress. I noticed how you gazed at your husband in search for some solace, since you can’t stand how spoiled the boy is, yet you held your anger back like a champion; you had to play the part of the best aunty-mother of the year! You just acted as if nothing had happened. I noticed you were not having it when one of your friends started breastfeeding and you simply avoided talking to her… I realized that… you still can’t stand these situations.
But your gestures gave you away; you could not fool me. I could see in your eyes all the jealousy consuming you whole, I could see that it’s becoming harder and harder for you to endure your friends’ conversations about “best mothers”, that you weren’t happy for your friend’s latest pregnancy, that you don’t care the least about which kindergarten the children go to or which car toy brand is better… I saw you, I saw your stare filled with anger, your terrible performance as “the best friend”, and even worse performance as the best “aunty”; come clean about it! You have reached that point where you hate your friends and their happy families.
I saw you, a long time before your friend asked you about the hormone treatment (I’m sure right there you heard me chuckle, and very warily I told my husband: “You see! I knew it!”)
to which you replied, making it look like it is not affecting you in any way and it is going fabulously, when in reality two failed in vitro fertilizations have gone by and you cry every morning because of this: “I’m sick of injections”.
All I have to say to you, the girl in the flower dress, is to stop pretending. It’s okay that you get all sentimental when you hear about all these pregnancies around you. It’s understandable that you have reached that point where you can’t stand your friends’ children anymore nor their conversations about them, that you just want to get home and cry. It’s normal that you argue with your husband and that everything is frustrating, that you are fed up with doctors, injections and troublesome tests, that you are fed up with people making the question: “When are you having a baby? You’ve already been married for seven years!” But trust me on this… when you least expect it, when you are the busiest and you don’t even have time to think about yourself, it will come; your biggest love will come. Enjoy the moment, enjoy your partner, don’t be so harsh on yourself nor your friends, love yourself deeply; so much that it becomes infectious. When you finally reach that point, you’ll end up being three.