My name is Maria and this is my story…María Arellano
I’m square headed, stubborn and strict, you could say that I am a little difficult but as any good Libra, I am also very fair and sensible. I like things to be in balance and fair and I cannot stand injustice. I am also very sensitive; all Disney movies make me cry.
My motto in life is “live in the moment”. Live however you want, without hurting anybody. My mother always said to us growing up: “what you don’t wish for yourself, don’t wish it for others” so I always try lo live up to it. If you smile at life, it will smile right back at you.
Since I was little, I was never interested in the typical “girl” things. I got always bored if I had to play with dolls or any roll play games such as mom & pop. I much rather be inventing things, exploring nature and observing animals around me. I always questioned everything, as a matter of fact, I still do 😊.
There is a preconceived notion of what women’s future should be based on what society expects from us or, it’s just how we are raised. Normally it goes something like this: once you are more or less settled in life, with or without a partner, you are supposed to become a mom. For some women this is their dream but it is not my case, my priorities have always been my career, to travel, visit, and live different cultures, different places, countries… to be free!
In my opinion once you have kids you don’t have that freedom anymore, or at least that is what my friends and people around me tell me…”enjoy life now because once children arrive, your freedom as you know it is gone”. This is the reason why I have been postponing having kids. Losing my freedom? Ouch, not sure about it…scary….
Until now I have not had the feeling or need to become a mom. In my mind when I think of having children was never a biological feeling. I have always vision myself as an adoptive mother. I know it might sound strange, but I have never imagine myself being pregnant, having that special moment with your own body. What really moves me and makes me emotional, is being able to become a mother, to nurture someone, it does not matter how it comes to me.
I am sure that the bond between mother and baby inside the womb is very special, but it is not for me. I firmly believe that the love between a mother and a an adoptive child, can be as strong or even stronger. This bond should live in your heart, without any prejudice or preconceived notion, this love can be as pure as any other.
How do I see my future? Well, if it happens that I become a biological mother, great. But even with a biological child, I will always fight to become an adoptive mother.
I met my husband Jonathan 13 years ago, and since then we have been together. We moved together just 2 weeks after we met, crazy I know! But even with all that craziness, we knew it was gonna be forever. People say “the world is for those who are brave” and I cannot agree more.
These years that we have been together have been the best years of my life. I know, I know…. everyone says the same, but I swear, in my case it is true 😊 . He is my best friend, my constant support and my life partner. Wherever he is, is where my home is, no matter where in the world.
I think we have a very healthy relationship, based on mutual respect and admiration and I think this is why we love each other so much.
He understands me even when I am not talking and I love his sense of humor. He makes me smile as soon as I’m awake, that is one of the things I love the most about him. Life is complicated enough as it is to be dealing with a complicated relationship, I really hate drama.
We’ve had talked about being parents and we both agreed to wait, and wait… and the opportunity seemed to never arrive. We have talked countless times about adoption and I am very lucky because he has the same vision and opinion in the subject as I do, but he wanted to try having a biological child first.
A couple years back he brought up the issue of being parents this time it was for real. He says that he has so much love to give that I cannot be the only one receiving it, lol… I started thinking about it, and he was right, we are reaching an age that could become more complicated if we left time pass by. So at 33 years old we started trying/ttc naturally.
Life has its own way, at this time I met Helena, Himama’s other half, she explained to me her experience with this matter. About her miscarriages and how hard it had been for her to get pregnant with Olivia. This is why we decided to create something for women like me, women looking forward to get pregnant. Something that help us know ourselves and our bodies better, a natural way to conceive.
Something that helps us understanding our ovulation cycle and how to calculate it.
A year and a half passed by and I did not get pregnant. We decided to visit a specialist to make sure if everything was OK. At the beginning the diagnostic was that my husband had “lazy sperm” and the only way to be parents biologically would be with medical help. After thinking about it, and because I love him so much, I agreed to try IVF. I can assure you that emotionally was very grueling for me because of my believes, but nonetheless I agreed to it.
We went through the whole process, injections, medical visits, a million tests and on top of it, not only the sperm was lazy, it was deformed as well! Almost 90% of them! You cannot imagine how much we laugh at this… (I know it doesn’t sound like a joke to most people, but for us it was.)
Anyhow, we continued with the process and all was fine until the decisive moment arrived.
I remember vividly the meeting at the Doctor’s office. We were there to learn about how the 6 eggs that we had at the laboratory were evolving and to program when the transfer and implantation would be. The doctor got very serious and gave us the news that I was the infertile one. My eggs fertilized with the champions of my husband sperm were not following a normal developmental process. Out of the 6 none developed the normal chromosomes needed to create life. Even if they implanted them it would have never become a viable pregnancy. I would have had miscarriaged all of them.
The only way to be biological parents at this point was using an egg donor. But that was not an option for us. It is not that I am against it, but if that’s the only option then I rather adopt.
I can assure you that the doctors were more disappointed than us. I tell you, it is a weird feeling. At that moment they were sad for us because they were telling us that we could never become biological parents, but for me it was like if something inside of me already knew. I had known since I was little.
For us it was not traumatic. If anything, it was like a validation to follow up with our plan, to become adoptive parents.
I don’t regret at all to have gone through this process. If anything it has helped me realize how strong I am as a person and even more, how strong we are as a couple. It has brought us even closer and stronger. I have no doubt that Jonathan is my other half and that together we can overcome anything.
To all women that want to become biological mothers, my advice is be strong if it does not happen. Everything in life happens for a reason, you don’t need to hide. I know it’s hard, but we need to learn to love ourselves more than the need to become a biological mother. I totally understand that this is something extremely difficult to cope with. What worked for me was to lean on Jonathan and my family to understand that it was not the end of the world. Society expects a lot from us. Sometimes it is even a burden we have to carry throughout life. We cannot allow peer pressure to write the story of us. You are not less of a woman just because you cannot conceive.
Today we are both 35 years old and we are starting with the adoption process😊 Let me know if you want me to keep you updated.